GlitRock - The Xani & Obi Adventure
by Colli
Summary: (Fixed Ch.2)Xanatos DuCruet and Obi-Wan Kenobi are living together on Coruscant -
1. First

Title: GlitRock - The Xani & Obi Adventure  
Author: Colli  
Mainly Star Wars with several appearances and references to other movies and/or books  
Category: Humour  
Rated: R - for untasteful clothes, naughty words, sexy intruders, drug use, and clubbing.  
Summary: Xanatos and Obi-Wan sharing a flat, have some weird occurrences after a night on glitterstim and Tylenol  
  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, I do not own Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, or basically any characters or locations in this story... Except the night club - which I find quite funny if you watch Queer As Folk - However, I really wish I did own all this, but if I did, I definitely would not share Obi, Xani, or Leggy with any of you if it were so.   
  
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*BEEP*BEEP*BEEP*BEEP*  
  
"Ugh..." The formerly sleeping figure rolled over, an arm shooting across to the small table beside the bed, searching for the terrible machine that had untimely ripped him from is rest.  
  
The incessant beeping stopped when the entire chrono-unit was chucked at the wall; and once again at peace, the lump under the sheets dozed off, dreaming happily of speeder bikes, hot bars, and a certain young Jedi Knight. Drool dripped slowly from one corner of his mouth, onto the black satin pillowcase.  
  
An hour later, a faint yet disturbing howl could be heard from far outside the window next to the bed. /Have they no respect for the junkies...?/ the lump in the bed wondered. /Oh my head... I'll never try glitterstim again... That's a lie.../  
  
The long, continuing holler was getting more prominent and could be clearly distinguished as someone yelling, rather frantically, "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" louder and louder... or closer and closer...  
  
Normally a noise like that would make any normal person jump to his feet and rush to the window, /but this sleep-couch is -so- comfy... and this room... deliciously dark.../ Groaning, the sleep-deprived being rolled away from the noise.  
  
The yelling was becoming intolerably loud and seemed to be quickly approaching. Covering head with pillow or even hiding under the mattress was to no avail. Suddenly, however, the noise stopped, but with it, the window in the apartment crashed inward, shattering transparasteal all over the navy blue shag carpet.  
  
*WHACK*  
  
A dead-weight body smacked hard, face down onto the floor - a light smoke rising from it's back. The figure still lying comfortably in bed, didn't even flinch.  
  
"Hey Obi," came the voice from under the black and midnight blue sheets. "You have fun last night?" Sighing and rubbing his temples, he added, "I can barely remember what I did..." He rolled over to face the smoldering intruder, eyes still shut.  
  
Slowly Obi-Wan rose to his knees, trying to pry small shards of the window from his clothes and flesh. "How did I manage to crash through transparasteal...?" He walked rather lop-sidedly to the edge of the bed and sat down forcefully.  
  
Finally opening one eye, the other looked curiously at his boyfriend. Presently, Obi-Wan sat on the edge of his bed, wearing his customary cloak and tunics, but oddly accented with large yellow boots and a ginormous blue brimmed hat. For some reason, the smoking jetpack attached to his man's back didn't seem surprising. Perhaps because it was the only reasonable way to fly into an apartment on the eleventy-first floor of a Coruscantian building... And of course they /were/ on a lot of glitterstim the night before after all.  
  
"I... had a little problem lat night, Xani..." Obi-Wan stated a bit too hesitantly, "Umm... If a bounty hunter comes looking for his jetpack... Just... Just... Tell him he'll have it back by 5..."  
  
"Sure thing, hun," Xanatos smirked while debating with himself if he should get up. He sat, decided half way was good enough. Brushing the shoulder-length black hair away from his face ad trying to shake the his head out of sleep, he muttered angrily, "If the guy who decided to make Coruscant silver was still alive, I'd boot him one in the groin."  
  
Kenobi took off the jetpack ad slung it down onto the floor. He crawled up the bed and positioned himself right in front of his friend's shuteyes. When Xan peered into the daylight, the hugely grinning face of Obi was hovering about an inch from his own. Xanatos smiled softly and placed a polite kiss on Kenobi's forehead, then slid out of bed and waked toward the 'fresher in his apartment.  
  
"Why can't I ever scare you?!" Obi-Wan complained, "Anyone I go up to on the street like that freaks right out and runs away screaming!" He looked perplexed.  
  
The bare retreating back of his dark jedi shrugged. "You want something to eat, Obi?" Xanatos stopped off at the kitchen on his stumbling, drunken path to the shower, and began rooting through the piles and piles of lemons that had for some reason ended up filling his fridge.  
  
Finding nothing but lemons, he sighed ad grabbed two just as Obi-Wan approached and glanced into the lemon-hold. "Huh..." he started, "lemons... Lots and lots of... lemons..."  
  
"Yea," replied Xanatos, "that's what I was thinking..." Hading the other the two bright yellow citruses he had taken out, he shut the fridge door, making a mental note to /not/ get groceries while high.  
  
"I'm having a shower; you're gonna make... what you ca make with lemons..." Xani staggered off towards the 'fresher again, but stopped, and turned on his heals, "Where /did/ you get that jetpack, anyway?"  
  
"Um.. well you see..." the Jedi took a deep breath and motioned for him to sit, "Iwas mindingmyownbusinessdownatdockingbay94whensomeguycameupandofferedme someglithewasafilthylittleRodiansoItookitIwanderedaroundthelowerlevelsforawhile butIgotboredsoIwenttotheTempletovisitmyoldroomlittledidIknowthattheygiveyour roomawayonceyouleavebutanywayIgotintoafightwiththisreallyannoyingcleaningdroid whowouldnotstopcountingfloortilesandItriedtothrowhimoutthewindowbutitwas strangelyfortifiedanditstartedtochasemeoutoftheTempleandIgotscaredsoIranbackto thedockingbaywhereIgotontheglitbutthishugearmyoflike15tallguyswhowerereally prettywithlongblondehairbuttheyhadthesecrazyweaponsmadeofwoodorsomething thatcouldshootthesepointedwoodenstickswithfeathersontheendswaswaitingformeand theleadernamedLettuceorLeglessorsomethingaskedmeifIknewthewaytotheseabutIgot reallyscaredbecausetheykeptyelling"YRCH!"andweirdthingslikethatbuttheonlywayto escapewasupandluckilyformesomecrazyguyflewoverhead-"   
  
"Obi-Wan?" asked Xanatos from his new seat on the floor.  
  
"Mmmmyesss...?"  
  
"Is this story gonna end anytime soon?"  
  
"Mmmmyesss...!"  
  
"Good, the proceed." He waved for him to continue.  
  
"SolikeIwassaying," Kenobi began, "thisarmouredguyflewoverheadsoIforcejumpedup andgrabbedontohislegsbuthestartedtoslipoutofthejetpackharnesssoIjustgrabbedthat insteadandlethimfalltohisdeathsothenIputonthepackbutthosecrazyblondeguysstarted toshootthosepointedstickswiththefeathersontheendsatmesoIwastryingtododgethe sporadicprojectilesbutIneverwasverygoodatjetpackflyingIthinkIactuallygota48%or somethinginthatclassattheTemplebutthat'sbesidesthepointsoIwasflyingalloverthesky lanesandsomehowImanagedtocrashintoourapartment..." He flashed a grin as he reached down to shut his lover's gaping mouth, "Lucky, huh?"   
  
"Yeah... Sure..." He stuttered with a blank look on his face as Obi-Wan shooed him into the shower and shut the door.  
  
Kenobi leaned against the door and sighed, relieved, "Man... I'm glad he didn't ask about the lemons..."  
  
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When Xanatos stepped out of the shower and into his bacl tunic, something like a grey mist was filtering under the door of the f'resher. A grey mist... No, not moist... Whispey... Smoke. He still fuZZy head took a while to realize what was going on.  
  
He busted open the door and rushed into the kitchen, still pulling on his sithy-knickers. Fanning at the smoke-haZed air, he managed to clear enough viewing space to glimpse Obi-Wan setting the table. It wa piled high with what appeared to be moundsa nd mounds of lemonds, all freshly prepared in different manners.  
  
Approaching the scene, as the other sat himself down with aconfident smile, Xanatos saw exactly what everything on the table was. Shocked, he spoke a if to himself, "How long was I in the shower...?"  
  
Kenobi smirked and pointed to the chair opposite him, "You were handling the prettying-up, I was handling the cooking." He handed Xani a plate and a huge shovel-like spoon. Obi Started to motion to several platters, plaes, dishes, bowls, baskets and even buckets of food, all made entirely from lemons, "We have lemonaid - simple, yet delicious, lemon tea, fried lemon, lemon omlet, lemon pie, lemon surprise, lemon bread, lemon slices, lemon icecream, lemon toat, lemon jam, butter with a twist of lemon, lemon candycanes, lemon juice, pickled lemons, bioled lemon, baked lemon, lemon piZZa, lemon glaZe, lemon french toast, lemon salad, lemon stirfry, lemon jello, lemon fondue, lemon pancakes, lemon tarts, lemon upside down cake, lemon pudding, and finally, lemon flawn." Happy with himself, he quickly dug into the lemon salad and lemon piZZa.  
  
"Seriously though," Xanatos aked, "How long was I in the shower...?" He tentatively poked the lemon fondue, cringing fearfully. 


	2. Second

CHAPTER 2  
  
  
Taking a comfy afternoon nap, the two boys lay happily on the couch against the wall opposite the bed, in their sleep-chamber. The Brian-esque* apartment had an enclosure of carved glass panels which surrounded their bedroom, which itself was up a few steps from the general floor level of the common room. Obi-Wan, sprawled rather oddly on the chest of his love, wrapped his arms around the other's neck, smiling outwardly.  
  
Xanatos, feeling Kenobi's arms sliding up his body to rest behind his neck, reflexively tightened his grip around the Jedi's waist. "I love you... and this... and everything..." he whispered as he placed a kiss on Obi-Wan's shoulder.   
  
"Yeah," the other breathed dreamily, "you sure do..." An eye flicked open suddenly, sensing a shadow outside the glass enclosure. Obi watched with cycloptic alertness, but nothing more came of it. Relaxing in Xan's embrace, Kenobi nuzzled his face into the Dark Jedi's neck and began to doze.  
  
Suddenly, only minutes later, several of the shady panels busted inward. DuCruet and Kenobi jolted out of their laze and found themselves being stared-down by many tall, fair men with long blonde hair. Confused, surprised, and trying to catch their breath, the couched ones squirmed, scrambling for protection behind each other. A particularly yummy one of the already extraordinarily pretty intruders advanced on them. In one hand, he held a small clear vile, containing a pale blue substance, and in the other, he held a bone-colored dagger with an intricate gold handle.  
  
Xanatos found himself immobile and taken completely by the piercing gaze of sky-blue eyes. The owner of those eyes smirked a smirk that seemed both wicked and angelic as he saw the two before him halt, seemingly entranced.  
  
"We're going out tonight," spoke the lead stranger, in a wonderfully melodial, accented voice. "Care to join?" He slinked up to Xani, slid a hand along his jawbone, and smiled. Next, he looked to Obi, who was curiously poking his head out from behind his lover's back. They were both standing, rather rigidly, in these men's company.  
  
"Thanks for the glit this morning, Kenobi," Obi-Wan heard the man speak to him. Protectively, he reached forward and held Xanatos around the tummy, not knowing what to say in return. Luckily, it was the one he held who broke the silence.  
  
"You make some friends that you haven't told me about, babe?" he asked with false ease. Keeping his yes locked with the one before him, close enough to touch without barely moving, Xanatos pulled Obi-Wan around to stand next to him.  
  
Moving his grasp away from Xani's tummy as he was pulled forward, Kenobi kept his boyfriend's hand in his own. Slowly, he shook his head, "No... But.. Hey?! Are you those guys from the docking bay late last night?!"  
  
The beautiful blonde nodded, a fiery glint lighting his eyes, as he sat, then lowered himself seductively onto the bed near them.  
  
Fear gripped Xanatos' lungs like a rancor grips his midnight snack. "Obi-Wan?' he half yelled.  
  
"Yeah...?" Kenobi replied slowly, as he edged slightly toward the tempting figure on his bed.  
  
"I need to talk with you a moment!" Xanatos finished harshly, then dragged his Jedi out of their sleep chamber by his hand, and into the 'fresher unit, to which he promptly locked the door. Even while being pulled by a strong arm, Obi-Wan's gaze stayed connected with that of the man who was teasingly laid out on his sleep-couch.  
  
Once in private, Xanatos pointed to the toilet, onto which Obi quickly sat. Having no time for comfort himself, Xan sat hard onto the floor. "You... didn't tell me... that when you said 'pretty', you meant 'gorgeous'!!" Astonished, DuCruet launched into a fit. "By the Force... What are we gonna do?! There's an army of incredibly hot blondes in our bedroom..." He paused, bringing his knees to his chest and beginning to rock back and forth with his eye shut tightly. "Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts," he chanted to himself.  
  
Obi-Wan finally realized to shut his gaping mouth and wondered embarrassedly when it has opened. Composing himself, he stood and paced in front of the mirror. Stopping, he turned a looked at his reflection. "Well, I don't know about you.. But I believe that there's only one thing we /can/ do," Kenobi said as he ran his hands through his hair. Facing Xanatos, he stepped over and pulled him up from the floor. "C'mon, lets play."  
  
DuCruet nodded and composed himself, returning with surprising ease to his deliciously dark and mysterious self. "I've got first dibbs on the on our bed." He grinned.  
  
"Damnit." Obi-Wan whined, "You always get the pretty ones..." He pouted and his eyes began to well up with tears.  
  
Xan sighed, seeing that face always tore him inside. "Fine.. I'll share..." he complied less then enthusiastically.  
  
The other's frown turned upside-down as quickly as it came, "Yay! I love you!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Xani waved it off. "Lets go."  
  
Reaching behind him, he opened the door. Xanatos stepped out backwards, pulling his lover along by his belt, smirking devilishly. Obi-Wan's eyes grew huge instantly and Xani, curious, turned just as an immense silver pot smashed him in the side of the head. He collapsed into the wide-eyed-one's arms, unconscious.  
  
Shocked, Kenobi caught his boyfriend and stared at the beautiful blonde who was holding a giant silver cooking pot over his head while beaming.  
  
"Alas!" he exclaimed for no apparent reason.  
  
Obi-Wan began to slowly back away, dragging the limp Xanatos with him, but the man with the pot came after and whacked him against the side of his head with the cookware. Kenobi felt himself fall to the floor, pulling the previously attacked Xanatos with him. Everything suddenly got very dark.  
  
  
  
"HE'S GOT OUR POT!!!!" Obi-Wan screamed suddenly, springing up from where he was moments ago lying peacefully, with a wild look on his face. Breathing heavily, he found himself bouncing slightly. This caused him to look down at his feet with an arched eyebrow. "Huh… A bed… /My/ bed…" Confused and lightheaded from getting up so swiftly, he glanced around. Xanatos was sitting in the corner of the room picking at his clothes. His clothes? If they were his, Obi had certainly never had the pleasure to see him in them.  
  
Xanatos saw Kenobi staring at him and smirked sardonically. "Don't get used to it," he sneered, referring to his attire. The man was clad in leather... lots and lots of leather. In fact, black leather, with silver studs.  
  
Grinning, Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows, "You planning on visiting Ryloth sometime soon?" Ryloth, the planet, was known for its extensive male fetish market and endless nightclubs - a place where Obi could never convince Xani of going.   
  
DuCruet's eyes flashed a few shades darker than usual and Kenobi quickly shut up. "You might to withdraw a few of those statements… Once you notice yourself…" He smirked evilly.  
  
Growing pale, Obi looked down to himself, for the first time realizing that he was dressed similarly, in dark gray and black leather. "Oh… I see…" He sat himself back down, cross-legged, onto the bed. "So… Um… Did you wake up with these on as well…?" Kenobi prodded the flesh-clothes that he was wearing, trying to hide the smile creeping across his face.  
  
He was clad in a tight, dark gray, mesh tank top, covered over by a black ankle-length cloak with lightening bolts of silver embedded in the material. About his waist was a rainbow-striped belt, a few inches thick, clasped in the center with glittering, silver, word "Slut" made out of some kind of metal in a flowing font. //I'll keep this for later…// he thought, scanning the rest of his clothing. He was also wearing black leather pants. Something cold brushed against his thigh as he shifted his weight to see the sides of the pants legs. Or should I say, absence of. The front and back pieces of the leather pants were connected at the sides by a series of silver metal hoops, linked all the way down his legs. That was unexpected, and therefore very weird to see. "Xani… There's metal circles in my pants…" he said slowly, not knowing what to think. "I can see my legs…" He gasped, "AND THEY'RE SHAVED!"  
  
"You're lucky then." He stood, revealing the full extent of his own attire. Xanatos was dressed tastefully also in black leather, only with a few differences. His coat, much like Obi-Wan's, only shorter and fitted to his shaped body. All over the jacket was written in white jagged letters: Fuck - Fuck - Fuck, over and over. Shocked, Kenobi's eyes almost popped out of his head. Xan's pants were much the same, continuing spiraled profanity all the way down his own self. Opening the jacket, DuCruet revealed his shirt. It was so blue it was black, and across the chest, a chunk had been removed and replaced with some sort of clear material. Perfectly planned to be a window, showing his nipples.  
  
Obi-Wan snickered, seeing this, and pointed. "I can see your-"   
  
"Cram it. I know." Xanatos cut him off quickly. "//They// did this to us - To me. They will pay."  
  
"Oh c'mon Xani… You look great!" Kenobi grinned, looking him over again. "It's not that bad." To himself, he made a mental note. //I'm definitely keeping those…//  
  
Xanatos, scowling in the corner, looked up as something pale and round peeked through the glass panels. "Back for more embarassing torture so soon?" he asked to the face.  
  
It smirked, "Come."  
  
Obi-Wan frowned, and stood a little warily, still not used to his attire. "Where are we going?" he questioned.  
  
"Your center-space."  
  
As they left the bed chamber and descended into the common room, several men, similar to their leader, were rushing around from room to room, speaking hurridly to one another. Immediately, one approched them.   
  
"Legolas, we must leave now to provide time to set up," he said to the man that Obi and Xani were following.  
  
"Do not worry Glorfindel, we have plenty of time. Our guests are already prepared," was the reply.  
  
Xanatos piped up, "And... where, again, is it that we need to be prepared for...?"  
  
The eyes of the one referred to as 'Glorfindel' glittered brightly, "Why, we are to play at The Second Age Of Metsopotamia tonight."  
  
Obi-Wan looked confused, "The second age of Metsopotamia..." he squinted and pondered out loud. "You mean Babylon?"  
  
Legolas scowled with a harsh reply, "No." He shuddered.  
  
Obi glanced to his side at Xanatos, who caught his eye and shruged.   
  
"Alas, we must go now. Are your people ready?" Legolas asked Glorfindel.  
  
"Of course. We'll meet you outside." He yelled something incomprehensible in another language, but the strange group nodded and left the appartment.  
  
  
  
Our heros trailed after the company, pushed foreward whenever their pace slackened by an arrow held at their backs.  
  
About one hundred paces from the bottom of the turbolift, the arrow seemed to be a nice release from this torture.  
  
Xanatos whined, "I'm tired of walkin, Dude."  
  
"I'm tired of walkin too, Dude," Obi-Wan whined back.  
  
The men seemingly free of CLD (chronic laziness disorder) turned and frowned at them. "What is the matter with you two? It is beautiful outside, yet you continue to go on about having no transport," one chided them.  
  
Trudging along with pouts, Kenobi and DuCruet sustained much toil, but finally, they reached The Second Age Of Metsopotamia night club. Their fellow travellers took them to a back entrance and walked casually in. Many techies waved to them as they passed with astonished looks on their faces. One man even fainted right infront of them, though he was only wearing a towel.   
  
"You guys must come here often... Everyone seems to know you..." Obi-Wan pointed out.  
  
Legolas gave a wry smile, "Actually, this is the first time we've been here."  
  
Arching an eyebrow, Xanatos tryed to peek into some of the cracked doors. Through several, electric lights, smoke, and erotic moans were being funneled out. This really pricked Xani's attention. He tryed to slip away from the group, but was caught firmly by the arm. Glorfindel glared down at him.  
  
For the first time, Xanatos noticed that the man had pointed ears... All of them did... //How the hell did I miss that?!//   
  
"So.. what are you guys anyway...?" he tried to sound as casual as possible.  
  
The company stopped and Legolas weaved his way back to him. "We are not guys. We are Hot Elves."  
  
Xan's eyes grew large and he chin dropped a few centimentres. "Yes you are..." he stuttered.  
  
Legolas shut his mouth for him and smiled, "That's what they all say." He slid his hand down from Xani's mouth, to his thigh. "Though, you're much cuter when you're confused..."  
  
Startled by the words, not the creeping hand, Xanatos glared at him and walked briskly to stand beside Obi-Wan near the front of the line.  
  
"I don't like him," Xanatos whispered to his lover.  
  
"Yes you do," Kenobi grinned as he pinched Xani's leather-covered ass.  
  
He jumped, "Okay, you're right. But he's creepy."  
  
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End file.
